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The Life’s Paradox

93fantasy-3d-03-m343He took the pen with bright hope that life, with its complexities, moves the self to progress and urges the mind to desire for improvement. He wrote his first amendment then pondered on it. Yet no matter how he configures his life, along with the things that should be done correctly, would eventually revolve back to the axis of its past ; and he could never escape the angst of breaching his new promises, that,  with its tendencies, may lead to his doom – a state of despondency and self expatriation. But still, he thought life must go on, not for attaining perfection, but for denying the mistakes of the past by creating resolutions to believe that the phantom of the past can be resolved by the angel of the present who eradicates the scars of  mortal heart and bathes life anew. And while looking at what he wrote, his body shivered in terror and he shed the tears of bitterness in believing in ideas that betray the genuine concept of human agony along with the cognizance of the ego that perpetually stirs in the pit of human composition; and to which with all ambiguity, constantly reminds him that sooner or later, life with its new temporal form, by principle or by common consciousness, would be revived back again to its evil arche. Realizing that he could no longer go on writing, he gathered what he wrote, crumpled the paper in his hand, wringing the pain which he felt in his palm. The text he started to scribble were just mere ink dots now, staining the clean paper sheet and proving no less than a sheer shadow of false hope that everyone deemed to salvage life from wickedness to sainthood. He broke down with regrets for living another year because it means another year of anguish: that his life is another step closer to the end. And yes, did he think how his life was infested with malaise as parasites enjoy the glory of eternal elixir of blood. He felt suffocated by his abject mind that drowns him stupor, yet he fought back and clutched to his senses as he stood up laughing with no other sensible reason but oblivion from any hope. Then his breathing was no longer that that sustains life but that the gasping of desperation for death. Even when his heart told him to go on to find the brightness of the day, his brain on the other limb, simulated an impact to paint his logic a tinge of darkness thus proving there is no sense of finding the sun for the world revolves in perfect bi-polarity; anything that has light would coherently succumb to the emerging darkness. So he stepped down to the abyss of his room, now clutching the devil’s blade; and with no clear vision of his steps, alas, he told himself as he continuously descended down to the darkness: “We are all going to die anyway.”

Categories: philosophy Tags: ,
  1. January 11, 2009 at 3:31 am

    “life is but the hours between birth and death” …

    why… “so serious?” 🙂 😦

  2. O
    January 11, 2009 at 1:24 pm


  3. totomel
    January 12, 2009 at 4:33 am

    i dont know grace….i just felt it

  4. krished
    January 16, 2009 at 5:21 am

    nicely written 🙂

  5. totomel
    January 16, 2009 at 5:23 am

    hug me more O.hehehe

  6. totomel
    January 17, 2009 at 6:03 am

    thanks krish…ill visit your blog too when i have time.

  7. April 13, 2009 at 3:44 pm

    a paradox indeed…

    thanks for dropping by “born-a-mentor”…i love jose dalisay too…and antonio enriquez…i just love our very own writers..nick joaquin, tiempo, torrevillas, anthony tan, jalandoni, F. sionil Jose…and more…God, their works, for me are superb…i am such a fanatic of grisham and sheldon, Steele and other English and american novelists, by i have realized, our own writers are actually great writers, we have to read their works…

    ako nga naging fan mo na rin ako…malay ko one day i will see your own literary works published at tinitingala di ba…go, go, go!

    more power!

    • totomel
      April 14, 2009 at 4:41 am

      Amen, I say. speaking of those Filipino litterateurs, they passionately struggled to establish Philippine literature. their contents are more substantial compared to what we deem the best of the world. i got some of them in my shelf.

      regarding foreign writers: i like Gunter Grass, John Fowles, Nikos Kazantzakis, Nadine Gordimer, Umberto Eco, Jostein Gaarder, Gogol, Albert Camus, Emile Cioran…and a lot more of european writers (both classic and contemporary) in my library. i don’t really like American writers except Tom Robbins, Carl Hiassen and Mario Puzo…. not to mention , of course, the literary pillars of america. hehehehe

      with yiou expecting me of publishing my works, i tell you, that is far from reality maam… i still consider myself as an emerging pen holder and not a pen user per se. hehehe

  8. April 14, 2009 at 11:05 am

    that’s too humble of you, huh!i really like your blogs…it doesn’t look like the works of a novice writer…you are a great writer…as to your favorite writers, i have read some of them but not so familiar with most of them…i’ll try to read more…for now, my goal is to have a great collection of books written by Filipino authors…

    God bless.

  9. totomel
    April 15, 2009 at 1:41 am

    ikaw jud.hehehe.me too, i have already started my quest with Francisco S. Jose (4 books), the Palanca Awards which contains the best of Filipino writers, the UP Likhaan Anthology (ah! you would like to try Hemino Abad), Manuel Arguilla Collection, Ambeth Ocampo, Nick Joaquin, NVM Gonzales, Leonicio Deriada (currently teaching in UP Iloilo…and many more…. i guess it is also of recommendation that you visit “Booksales”, they are all over the country now. although you couldn’t acquire Filipino authors there, you will definitely have a wide array of good books from other countries with very cheap tags. and believe it or not, i only buy a book when it costs less than 150.

    pero kung naa kay nindot na books Maam pwede ko kaborrow?hehehe

  10. April 15, 2009 at 3:25 pm

    hahahha…yeah i wonder why there is no sale for Filipino authored books…i am saving 450 for one of dalisay’s books…have u read (i am sure you have) jostein gaardner’s sophies world? it’s a million – copy best seller…i have a copy of that book..yup, there are “booksales” here and there and i have acquired quite a lot already but most of these books are old edition of norton reader,books on communication and speaking, reading, philosophy, writing, literature and novels of some of my favorite authors..

    basin ikaw daghan collection diha, share naman…hehehe…More power!

    • totomel
      April 16, 2009 at 9:25 am

      gamay ra man Maam, but i have the best of Php 150s, 40s, and 15s hehehe. you’ll appreciate gaarder better in his Maya, Solitaire’s Mystery, Ring Master’s Daughter,and Vita Brevis… i collect philosophy books, bestsellers (international), nobel laureates, and Filipiniana.

      why don’t we just barter books Maam.hehehe

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